loss and love
I’ve thought about how to write this for a long time, but have never been able to find the words. I still may not have the perfect words at this point, but I do think it’s time to try. Some seasons in life find you surrounded by loss; personal loss, loss others are working through, small pieces of yourself lost to life and grief.
Recently, I’ve found life surfacing loss; friends losing family members and loved ones, people I love suffering moments of loss that make you question where the good in life is, or when it might peek through. Moments that force reflection. In this particular moment of life, I feel fortunate to be in a position to be supportive, to reach out and be there to those closest to me.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate in my life; one filled with a loving and whole family, friends that I’d walk through fire for, a husband who shares my dreams, and a sweet baby and puppy who remind me to keep building that life. I’ve also learned that fortune of that nature comes with an immense amount of respect for not only the peaks in life, but also the valleys.
A week after my accident, my grandmother received an aggressive cancer diagnosis. We lost her a month and a half later. In the wake of my trauma, I was now facing grief, and I survived. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other, remaining emotionally strong and steady for those around me, supporting those around me to cope with the moment in life. To cope with my accident, to cope with the loss of my grandma, to cope with the unrelenting pain of it all. I neglected my needs to grieve and heal in order to maintain stability for everyone around me. While I’ve since grieved that loss, and come to terms with my trauma, I still have many moments of being triggered.
With some time, space, and therapy, I’ve learned how to cope, and done everything within my power to support others in a way I may not have been. I may not be an expert, nor is it fun to be an expert in loss and trauma, but I certainly have learned a bit along the way. The funny thing is that so many of the things I’ve learned are the life lessons I hope to impart on my sweet girl. Be kind, be present, be supportive, listen, love without expectation, and be gentle.
How do we make sure we’re being the people someone wants in a crisis, in grief? How do we ensure our loved ones know we’re there, and genuinely there? In my deepest, darkest, most frustrating times, all I had hoped for was consistency. The people who would answer a call or text in the middle of the night, the friend I could call crying, and those that just checked in daily. But it was also the friend who could take the hard conversations; who didn’t shy away from the details of my grief.
We’re never perfect, and grief only highlights our imperfections; but when we come back to the fundamentals: kindness, support, deep friendship and love, we remember why every day we count our blessings. Winnie the Pooh said it best - “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” We only grieve as hard as we loved, and I’ve learned that with the grief comes the happiness. The peace that comes with moving on and growing up, honoring those we love and lost, and living in a way that we would never regret.
